The Enigma of an Ant

Aunt, actually.

How amusing to witness these 9 little pairs of eyes trying to figure out ME. The funny thing is, my nieces & nephews can find it hard to view me as an adult, largely because I live with my parents aka their grandparents. In their short lives & based on their knowledge, one “fact” they think they know is that adults don’t live with their Mom & Dad. Thus, Aunt Amy = what?

4 Subjects about me that the Kids & I have discussed

Walking without a cane – though my brain stem’s neurotoxicity causing total imbalance AIN’T NO JOKE:

“You can walk without your cane!” a nephew shouted . . . & that is true, on an extremely, & I stress extremely, limited basis. I can occasionally walk fairly safely around my ranch-style house cane-free; although admittedly, there have been times when I thought I could get around my one-level house minus my needed balance assistance &

* slipped wearing slippery socks & fell forward – HARD – onto my hard unforgiving kitchen floor,

* fell on 2 different occasions that resulted in smacking onto the hardwood floor so hard that I broke bones each time,

* & too many other instances to name them all – Although I do have a dream that in Heaven, God will have a bloopers reel of all the times I’ve lost my balance & wobbled precariously; fallen unharmed into weird things like my toilet; & crashed quite UN-gracefully into a chair, onto the ground, etc (I love to laugh at myself & would happily share those chuckles with others too).

My Femur post-surgery with a titanium rod & screws in it

Utilizing my cane to retrieve stuff out of reach:

“That’s cool!” exclaimed the little guy of 8 upon watching me stretch out my arm & use my 33-inch cane to grab an out-of-reach ball we were playing with in his basement. So now he knows besides helping me safely walk, the cane can also be “cool” because the metal stick can reach a desired object without the person having to move to get to it. (The kids associate, like most people, only elderly people using canes, so I laugh – rather than becoming offended – along with them when they inevitably pretend to be a shuffling cane-toting old frail person.)

Amy, Cane & Remote 001.jpg

• Not having hair:

“Why don’t you have hair?” my 3-year-old nephew asked me the question that all the kids have asked at one time or another, at his house just last week. Not wanting to make a big deal of it or scare him by saying I lost my hair when I was sick so that he then thinks when he gets sick his hair will also fall out, I consciously nonchalantly reply that I don’t want any hair so I shave it all off. Keepin’ it age-appropriate . . .

• Can you swim?:

My nephew wondered so I answered that yes, I can swim, & his Mom as well as our other sister can all swim very well thanks to the instruction of our Water-Safety-Instructor & former lifeguard who wishes he was a dolphin, Dad.


. . . Looks like I’ve got a pretty long way to go before these invaluable youngsters get any sort of true grasp of my unique situation – how in their young lives they wonder aloud why in the world Aunt Amy isn’t married with kids (that’s what they think everyone grown up is supposed to do) but instead lives with their Grandma & Grandpa; uses a cane; has no hair; the list continues – since a mere 3 days ago my 3rd youngest nephew informed me that he “knows” that all I do every day is text with friends on my phone (an activity I don’t frequently engage in so it’s quite amusing to think of how his little growing mind arrived at that false conclusion).

Epic Equation

Comfort food for lunch at “Tom+Chee”


18-year friendship with Katie as we recognize our 1/2 birthdays


Another reason to rejoice after learning of my completely clean bill of health this morning at my doctor appointment


A Tiramisu cupcake for each of us


1 huge reason all rolled into 1 to


Katie on 7-17-17 my last dr app't with Dr. Yanik

I cannot believe this day. Pinch me!

 The Lord is my strength and my shield;
    my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

Psalm 28:7

 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
    and his courts with praise;
    give thanks to him and praise his name.

Psalm 100:4

“Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?”

Seated around the black round kitchen table, my meal was separate from those in my company. They had identical dinners including tuna, which I avoid at all costs.
 He wore comfortable black around-the-house kind of pants, and a sweatshirt of his color of choice: anaranjado, or as some people who did in fact take Spanish in high school only to forget the lion’s share of what they learned in subsequent years would possibly recall, means orange.
Although I had every right to be present, I couldn’t help feeling like a tricycle, aka a third wheel, as I honed in on their mirthful chatter.
The two held each other’s attention well as the topic turned to animals they wished to be. The amusing conversation turned semi-serious as each one of the two shared their clearly well thought out beforehand ideas:
“We’re 2 cats,” she happily declared as she sat on his left. I sat across from him, my ears immensely enjoying every bit of their banter.
“No, I told you,” he quickly spoke up to firmly lodge his previously pondered protest. “I’m a dolphin & I’ll give you a ride on my back.”
The End

By Amy on March 1, 2016

 Oh, & thanks for this story material last night at dinner, DAD & MOM!

Hindsight Bias at its Finest

Unfortunately, there’s no manual titled “What To Do/How to Find Meaning in Your Life if you’re a Physically Disabled Cancer Survivor Who’s Also a College Graduate Yet Unable to Work & Daily Suffering with a Lifelong Plethora of Health Issues – in just 12 Easy Steps!

In hindsight, I clearly see that my tailor-made by Almighty God life is just fine just the way it has been, & is. Like every other imperfect life on this planet, mine is an infinite work in progress.

*** Subsequent to my colossal past blunders, a couple of things that I hope remain stamped on my mind are 1) God calls the shots, not me & 2) There needs to be Much MORE of God & a ton less of me in my everyday life.***

Now as I turn 32 my challenging goals are to:

1.  Become accepting & more content with my unique difficult life – a much smaller life with circumstances I never in a zillion years imagined would be mine – God has given me,

2. Try to live happier, consciously thanking God for little everyday blessings around me


3. Remember the line I heard at Woodside Bible Church in Plymouth a few months ago from remarkable Pastor Jeremy that says having “Christ’s attitude changes everything” & that “. . . love covers over all wrongs” (Proverbs 10:12b).

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:2


Ooops :(

For all my blog followers who received that last post I accidentally published, I meant to always save that for my eyes only.

I can’t beat myself up too bad about it, though, because nobody’s perfect & we all make mistakes . . . My latest one just happened to be published for people to read.

Like I said, OOOPS!