“Outsmarted”

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So I purposely moved around the kitchen, avoiding glancing at the counter where my Mom was making scrumptious-to-the-nth-degree chocolate chip cookie dough in plain sight.

My thought was, if I pretend like I don’t see it or care to see it or talk about it, she’ll interpret that as indifference & – Voila!! – leave the silver bowl of cookie dough unattended to chill in the nearby fridge. Where I would, when she left the room, swoop in for the kill – my foolproof plan was to quickly jab a silver spoon in the bowl to snag me some o’ the good stuff. Delectable raw chocolate chip cookie dough.

I waited. And waited. Then, as expected, all was clear. So I opened the fridge & uncovered part of the foil over the silver bowl of homemade chocolate chip cookie dough. Man, there’s nothing that makes me happier than devouring on a big spoon a hefty hunk of chocolate dough!

Only problem was, when I stealthily made my move & stuck the spoon into the container to retrieve a scoopful, I failed to feel the thickening texture of the hard cookie dough under the foil. Unbeknownst to me, my equally clever Mom picked up on my unsaid idea & under my radar had slipped the cookie dough covered with foil safely in the fridge. Downstairs.

The soft mushy contents of the foil-covered silver bowl I opened up? Homemade lentil soup.

Mom 1.

Amy – A big ol’ fat goose egg.

 

THE END

By Amy

1-17-18

 

 

“20 Questions”

With a look of resignation, the boy returned the Star Wars

item to the shelf. Until it was discovered to be on sale. Then

he happily left Kohl’s with his new toy after leaving school

early for a dental visit. Then . . .

“I’m gonna get three-fifty,” my nephew announced after

mentally calculating the amount of money he’d get from

returning cans at Kroger. Brainpower continued . . .

“You just blew it!”

Because I asked him if the animal was a predator and earlier

I’d already asked if it ate other animals. He caught me.

No surprise there.

My 9-year-old nephew & I were playing the game “20 Questions”

& like always, the sharp youngster was on fire. (Turns out the

animal was a cheetah.)
Next came his turn where the boy had to guess something with wheels

(more specifically, I chose a standard kid-sized regular object with

wheels in his realm of knowledge). Inquiries posed included ‘Is it electronic?’;

‘Does it need fuel?’; & ‘Does it use batteries?’. More common things like cars,

buses & motorcycles he quickly ruled out. Unsurprisingly, the third grader arrived at

the answer after USING ONLY HALF of his allotted questions.

“Could it come in any size?”

“No.”

“That just saved me 3 questions,” stated the thorough thinker. “I could have

asked, ‘Is it big?’, ‘Is it medium?’, ‘Is it small?’”

So, Mr. Intellect has done it again.

“Is it a wagon?”

 BOOYAH!

The End

 

By Aunt Amy, 11-28-17

 

 

“Cloud Shmoud”

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“The crowd goes wild!” her eldest bro exclaimed while cheering on his younger sis of 1 as we played basketball with his hoop on his closet bedroom door. I was lifting up the featherweight so she could dunk the ball. She loved it!

Before that – “Awesome buddy, you are good!” the children’s fantastic mother raved after her youngest son informed her he won our games of Old Maid.

Did I intentionally allow the child on multiple occasions achieve victory in the card game?  (I’ll never tell, wink, wink.)

Later in his kitchen the youngest boy asked me after snatching it & retreating to my right, “Aunt Amy, do you know where your cane is?”

I had a good idea & seeing it proved my suspicion. “Hiding” the long metal stick behind him, maybe his 4-year-old thinking actually did believe it was out of my sight because it was out of his, too. “It’s behind your back.”

“It’s a magic trick!” he gleefully announced as his face broke into a humongous smile, totally disregarding my discovery, which of course was fine. Also . . .

“Come here, mama, it’s okay,” my sister welcomed her daughter – “mama” is a term of affection – into her arms following the girl’s nice nap.

Moreover, the second grader impressed me with his thorough knowledge of Biblical stories, starting with the story of Abraham.

I showed the 8-year-old a similarity. “See how this Old Maid card is named Ice Cream Ike? Ike is the nickname for Isaac, who was the first son of Abraham & his wife Sarah.”

It’s always good to end the day on an even lighter note.

Observed my 4-year-old nephew after he peered out of his large bedroom window following a rainfall & saw those funny cotton-candy-looking shapes floating high in the sky, bless his heart, he almost got it right:

“I think the clowns are coming out.”

THE END

By Aunt Amy (pictured below is me & the little guy a few years back)

10-16-17

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Bear Hug”

“I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but I actually kinda miss him,” commented the eldest about his little brother. “My Dad said they’ll be home around 3-ish.”

“It’s after 3.” . . . So we continued playing until his Dad returned from a fun day deliberately doting on his youngest son, including a visit to a firehouse and his work, which ENORMOUSLY thrills the 4-year-old who loves to wear work clothes just like the Dad he so cherishes.

A lot went on while they were away too.

“I know Aunt Amy started it but still don’t do it!” the older sister, 6, advised the younger one after I’d playfully tossed a stuffed animal zebra her way – the munchkin had just used a toy orange gun in the family room to shoot me dead, after which she cackled loudly when I’d collapse dramatically and pretend to be a goner. The teeniest girl also spent time in the kitchen with the Mom she adores.

Always on the lookout to protect her offspring, my sis warned her youngest: “Don’t look directly at raw onions – you’ll cry, baby.”

Making homemade breading for chicken, my sister disclosed how her youngest son, out with Daddy, speaks. “’Chichen’ he calls it.”

“X-O! Maybe so!” the oldest girl shouted happily as she & her older bro played tic tac toe on the kitchen table. I taught my niece & nephew that they can actually use any sort of symbol besides “X” & “O” to play the game.

I’ll admit, at one point I did have major trouble in the bathroom. With the faucets. I was showing the one-year-old how to wash her hands with soap by spreading the soap all over your hands with different hand movements when suddenly I shrieked.

“Oh my gosh I can’t shut the water off!” The sink continued rising with water as I twisted both knobs to no avail. Thankfully my 8-year-old nephew answered my shouts for help & saved the day. Phew! How was I ever going to explain that one if the sink had overflowed creating a massive mess?

Upon the duo’s return, I asked the little guy his favorite part of his – deeply treasured & delightful – Day With Dad. Special times they were a brewin’: Before gushing about his second favorite activity of the day – buying a huge powerful action figure at Target – he casually replied as if I should’ve known the answer all along because it’s so obvious.

“Go to his wohk.”

By Aunt Amy

10-14-17

 

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“The Fowl”

“Elephant. Where’s the little fish?” Grandpa asked his youngest granddaughter who turned 2 a mere 4 days prior. The duo was flipping through an animal book with the teeny girl contentedly on the lap of her cherished “Papa.”

Another special moment –

“Hop like a bunny, 1-2-3! Hop like a bunny, 1-2-4!” cheerily sang Grandma as she led her 3 grandchildren, who had followed her into her room, down the hallway toward the kitchen.

And later in the evening let’s not forget this endearing encounter:

“Bye,” I announced to my nearby niece. “I’m about to go in my room & eat my dinner.”

The six-year-old had climbed onto a kitchen chair to talk about the potatoes & sausage I made for dinner. Turns out, we both enjoy syrup with breakfast sausage, ketchup on dinner sausage & also potatoes.

My goddaughter stared at me with a monumentally bewildered expression once I delivered the following statement that included a term in a context with which the child was unfamiliar. The subsequent inquiry of the young girl was thus 100% justified:

“You’re the coolest chick I know!”

“Chicken?”

The End

***I indescribably love how she jumped right into my arms the very instant I told her that I needed a photo with her!

By Aunt Amy on 11.18.17
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“The Journey”

“So much fun!” her husband shouted. “Woooo so much fun!”

I sat on the sidelines Wednesday as my talented very physically fit friend led her exercise class. Her students in the high intensity workout class include her spouse who takes time off work to join in.

“Why do I keep comin’?” the only man in attendance asked himself out loud. Then he jokingly answered his own question, knowing full well that I was clearly within earshot & would eventually tell his wife: “So I can stare at the hot trainer!”

Many other share-worthy times occurred during my spontaneous 4-night Indiana visit to see my incredible friends as well as their 5 terrific children:

“It’s only 9:00!” incredulously exclaimed their 21-year-old comrade.

“I know,” I said, holding up my cane. “See? I’m old.” Monday evening after my friends’ Bible study group left their house, I nonchalantly bent down & linked my left arm into my friend’s right arm where he sat in front of his laptop, which was my wordless way of saying “I need your help to walk upstairs, please.” So while my other outstanding friend aka his wife continued dialoguing with their young male friend, I trudged upstairs to get ready for bed, thoroughly exhausted from the day’s awesome activity.

And earlier that same evening with all the people wrapping up their Bible study, there was group prayer. I poked, purposely right at the start of the Bible study prayer time, my friend sitting next to me to gesture I needed help upstairs to the bathroom. I’d waited the whole time, through every single prayer request, including one lady’s announcement of her third pregnancy, to hopefully inconspicuously make the move upstairs while everyone’s heads were bowed & eyes were closed. After holding my impatient bladder for too long, in my haste I knocked a picture frame off the wall as I ascended the stairs, listening to the racket it made while noisily tumbling down . . . So much for a quiet getaway.

Much fun was had Tuesday night viewing each of the 4 youngest kids’ – ages 9, 7, 5 & 4 – performances in the play they created & performed for their parents & me in their basement. The real kicker came in Act I when the sweet girl of 9, portraying a determined job-seeking mother caring for her infant in a bakery, unknowingly flubbed her lines. 

‘Twas the tender age of innocence that ultimately betrayed her role as a loving mother who wanted nothing more at the moment than to nourish her offspring, when she inquired:

“Is there a place I can milk my baby?”

The End

By Amy on 11.2.17

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“Wife Swap‘’

“I think pens are about the best thing to give away,” he commented after reporting that he just gave a pen to a lady he was working with.

“I think so too,” readily agreed my Mom. 

Continued my Dad whose first name is Dave – “I’ll be working all weekend all day.” (That was his code for: Please try your best not to bother me AT ALL in my home office since I’m going to be VERY BUSY.) Got it!

Work takes him all over the area as well. However, the longest distance he’s traveled most recently was my Mom & him taking me to Indiana to visit friends.

On the trek home, my Dad spoke on the phone to his good friend Marv who was moving with his wife, when compared with their current close proximity to our house, far away. The 2 conversed over Marv’s upcoming big moving plans.

Now, in general, people’s conscious attempts to create comedy often fail. That is because any listener can tell that the other person is lamely & Very Unsuccessfully attempting to produce something laugh-worthy. Maybe that’s why it struck both my Mom (whose name is Jan) & me as uproariously funny when we were sideswiped by my Dad’s unexpected (underlined) humor:

If you need any help,

Oh, that’s so nice of him to sacrifice his own busy time to help out a buddy! I was thinking, that is, until I heard his final phrase:

I’ll send Jan over.”

The End

By Amy on 11-3-17