“The Sender” portrays a man with the same feelings I had fighting cancer. Years ago in an adult Bible study, a man named Craig described his cancer journey, including his thoughts, feelings & experiences, & it was like a male version of myself was detailing a cancer battle. Everything was pretty much the same, regarding life lessons learned & feelings we endured. Uncanny.
Then, a little further on in the book “The Sender,” I really connected with a part of the pep talk Charlie gave to the football players he used to coach as head coach. “What happens with cancer, the way it beats you is it pushes you to the point where you don’t feel like fighting anymore. You get so tired and you just don’t want to stick around. . . You just don’t feel like fighting anymore.” True that! After my 4th relapse after I’d already been fighting leukemia so hard & for so long (5 years), I was sick of the battle. I wanted to stop. I was 18 & thought my family & others would think of me as a loser or a quitter if I gave up the (very intense) leukemia fight.
So I fought.
But I didn’t really want to anymore.
Now I’m stuck with a life my team of cancer doctors never once warned me about the possibility of. I have so many detrimental side effects I have to suck up & live with EACH AND EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE. No one gets it. I can’t voice everything happening inside me, every negative effect I feel. My speculation is that the medical community just wants to see what eventually happens to me, a cancer patient with an extremely complex history of cancer treatment never given before to another person who’s survived. Yep, that’s me: “Hi, I’m a guinea pig. Nice to meet you.”
I made a choice years ago to make the best of my life that God graciously gave me. That’s 1 reason I blog. To be open, to relate to other people in hopes of encouraging lives. Productiveness is a top priority.